Dating Apps Suck: The Dark Side of Dating Apps

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Dating apps suck, right? Well, you’re not the only one who thinks so. Youths vastly around the globe think apps do not work well. Although they somewhat do what they are advertised, it is quite tough to find exactly what you are looking for with the help of these apps.

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Dating is hard. Knowing what you want in your partner, opening up to someone, sharing your insecurities, and being intimate with someone is a lot to ask, especially if you do not know that person very well. It is always hard to tell if someone is interested in you, even more, difficult to know if they are interested in a potential relationship or just a one night stand. How can you even be confident if they are interested in you at all? Maybe they just talked to you out of politeness. What if the person you’ve been talking to all evening, is not at all attracted to you? This is a fear that goes through many of our minds.  And if you are an introvert, someone who takes a lot of time to build up the courage to talk to someone, finding out that they were not interested in you in the first place, can be devastating and equally annoying.

To find someone with similar interests as you so that you can connect, but also have a few unique ones so you can step out of the crowd so that you have a personality that may seem captivating. That is a tough combination to master. Even when you do like them, there is always a question of loyalty and whether or not they are actually who they claim to be. So many cases have been heard where people are nice to each other at first, but as they spend more time together, the baggage starts to show. The anger issues, the insecurity, the skepticism, and so on. There are many things that attract us to our potential partner. But most of that seems to be temporary and fades away eventually. The physical appeal, the passion, the cute dimple all seem irrelevant when you’ve known them for over a year and now are tired of their sloppiness.

On the other hand, it could just as easily be the other way around. The average looking, slightly shy, and quiet date could turn out to be the best person you’ve ever met in your life. They’re caring, spontaneous, clean, and organized and they know what to do in their lives.

But, this is such a big risk; meeting new people, one after the other, putting yourself out there, talking and finding about their likes and dislikes, whether or not you are compatible with them, whether you see a future with them. Ugh! All this is so exhausting. What if you’re not great at meeting new people? What if you need some time to open up to your date? What if you are an introvert who just doesn’t fit in this extroverted, out-going, party-loving world?

Thankfully, online dating changed the game. Apps such as Tinder, OkCupid, Bumble, etc. have made it easier for people who are shy, introverted, or just don’t have the time to go to a bar and meet new people to show the world who they are, to look for a relationship, to look for love and possibly a lifetime of happiness. In the early stages of online dating, many couples seem to have actually found the Love of their lives and even got married, happily. But dating apps seem to be developing a dark side lately.  A BBC survey in 2018 found that 37% say dating apps are their least preferred method to meet a new partner (Daniel Rosney, 2018) for 16-34-year-olds. So, here are the reasons why dating apps suck for the new generation.

Hook up apps?

Dating apps lately have received the reputation of “hook up” apps. Meaning, very few go there to actually look for a partner or a relationship. Most people are there only to have short-lived sexual experiences. Many people seem to be open about it, mentioning it in their short introduction section. Their intentions are clear from the start, which can be considered a good thing. “At least they’re honest about it.”

dating apps suck
dating apps suck

But in many cases, it is known that both men and women are catfishing, lying, and being dishonest about themselves and their intentions that makes dating apps suck a little a bit more. This may not seem to be such a bad thing, but being misled, being told what you want to hear and being taken advantage of someone’s shyness can cause long term effects of mental trauma and trust issues.

One reason why dating apps suck is that they put the focus on Physical Attributes more than it needs to

Dating apps create an environment when you are given a matter of seconds to decide whether or not you want to date a person based on their looks. Although there is little information given about the person, you are just not sure. What if the next one is better? I want someone taller, oh wow! He’s got abs! Oh, she’s too short, she’s too fat are some of the comments we mostly hear around dating apps. What makes dating apps suck even more is how they are making these impossible standards into the norm. Nothing is good enough. This can lead to plenty of self-esteem issues. Thinking that you are not good enough for the dating life, that no one finds you attractive enough to date, is a tough thought to go through. Speaking from personal experience, I would never want to have this thought back in my mind.

The male-female ratio

Tinder is one of the most used dating apps in the world. But it has widely been criticised as the app with the worst male-female ratio. According to the (Worst-Online-Dater, 2016) “It was determined that the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.

Which means that out of 100 men, there are 20 men that are considered to be attractive, 78 out of 100 women are going after them. The remaining 80 men are competing for the 22 women that are considered less attractive. This is a huge upset, especially if you don’t have much confidence in yourself. Imagine having 20 men choosing whoever they like, but you have to fight to win over girls with 79 other guys. That is a lot of pressure!

male to female ratio dating apps

Dating apps suck because of overwhelming choices

There is always a better match. We’ve heard this saying many times. When you’re swiping on an app, you never know who could be next. What if you swipe left to an average Joe, but there may be a better looking, better earning partner out there for you. What if you settle for the first guy you meet but then you see someone who would have been a much better fit? This is an overwhelming thought that is produced by the constant use of dating apps. “… Increasing the number of potential matches has a positive effect due to larger choice, but also a negative effect due to competition between agents on the same side.” (Hanna Halaburda, 2017)

Safety risk

The Internet has become a place full of lies. Sitting behind a screen and writing whatever comes to mind can be easy, especially when you believe that there are no consequences. The same practice has wild spread in the dating world. Lying, catfishing, adding untrue information about them to appeal to more potential partners has become very common. What’s more dangerous is that these are people you’ve never met before. So, agreeing to a date or not meet is a high risk to personal safety.  Not only that, the risk that your ‘match’ could be a con-man. Extracting your personal bank details for money or painful memories or just manipulate you into sleeping with them out of guilt, is a high risk. According to the study, titled “Emerging new threat in online dating: Initial trends on internet dating-initiated serious sexual assaults,” reports of “online dating initiated sexual offenses” increased from 33 incidents in 2009 to 184 incidents in 2014—that’s six-fold. Eighty-five percent of victims were women, and 42 percent of female victims were between the ages of 20 and 29. (Oyler, 2016) For these reasons it is essential to keep in mind that you do not overshare your personal information to your date, always go to public and well-lit areas on your first date, or meeting or whatever you call it. Make sure you are not dependant on the date to go back home. Meaning, either drive yourself or take the public route. It is best to have a pepper spray or some form of defensive kit in your person at all times. And always make sure you tell someone trustworthy before you start your quest to find love.

catfishing tinder

Overall, there are pros and cons to everything in life. So would it be fair to claim that dating apps suck? Some things may have more benefits; as a result, they are worth the risk. But online dating and dating apps seem to be pushing more and more into the dark side of the spectrum. Dating apps may have helped save time and quite a lot of effort in finding and approaching a possible girl/boyfriend but it has also brought in a lot of insecurities, trust issues, and a never-ending cycle of finding someone better. Putting in too much trust or not trusting someone at all are both two extremes one should never have to reach, but over the years, dating apps seem to have taught us to believe everything a handsome stranger has put in their bio, but at the same time, not believe if they are being honest., if they’re too good to be true. Meeting someone in real life, talking to them, watching them, and feeling their presence is an unmatched magical experience. The nervousness of walking up to someone, finding out their likes, their dislikes, their hobbies, and passions gives a surreal thrill. Sure facing rejection is a huge risk whether you’re dating online or in person, but I feel like the positives from meeting someone in real life and having the experience is worth the risk in comparison to dating apps.

Bibliography

Daniel Rosney, R. H. (2018, august 2). Dating apps: Tinder, Chappy and Bumble ‘least preferred’ way to meet people. Retrieved from BBC: https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-45007017

Hanna Halaburda, M. J. (2017, july 21). Competing by Restricting Choice: The Case of Matching Platforms. Retrieved from INFORMS PubsOnline: https://pubsonline.informs.org/doi/abs/10.1287/mnsc.2017.2797?journalCode=mnsc

Oyler, L. (2016, 02 9). Online Dating Has Created a New Type of Sexual Predator. Retrieved from Vice.com: https://www.vice.com/en/article/qkgykd/online-dating-has-created-a-new-type-of-sexual-predator

Worst-Online-Dater. (2016, march 25). worst online dater. Retrieved from medium.com: https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

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